"Most people with low self-esteem have earned it. Because if everything is really the fault of politicians, where are all the bright, honest, intelligent Americans who are ready to step in and replace them? ", 3. People are stupid because, well, people are stupid. What we need is a king, and every now and then if the kings not doing a good job, we kill him. Weve also included some of his sketches from YouTube, viral videos of jokes you might have heard once or twice before. Some critics felt that Ice Cube's willingness to work with Republicans signaled his support for Trump. Contents 1 Quotes 1.1 FM & AM (1972) "Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. George Carlin, Meow means woof in cat. George Carlin, When youre born you get a ticket to the freak show. And they all vote. George Carlin. "Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. George Carlin - Wikiquote ", 106. [] I look at war a little bit differently. These days, 'Trajedi. It will be Nike sneakers and smiley shirts George Carlin, I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the shit out of Todd, Kyle and Tucker. George Carlin, I dont like ass kissers, flag wavers, or team players. He also suggests that politicians are merely the puppets bringing big businesses plans and ideas to fruition. AddThis sets this cookie to track page visits, sources of traffic and share counts. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. Over time, though, his success grew. Set by addthis.com to determine the usage of addthis.com service. ", 50. Maybe something else sucks around here like, the public. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' ", 52. and if you want to make this about "comedy" then Carlin should tell these things called "jokes". ", 7. Who Does George Carlin Represent? | by Michael Thompson | Medium They dont give a fuck about you. The JSESSIONID cookie is used by New Relic to store a session identifier so that New Relic can monitor session counts for an application. Installed by Google Analytics, _gid cookie stores information on how visitors use a website, while also creating an analytics report of the website's performance. The session information includes the identity of the user, recently visited links and the duration of inactivity. "Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life. GEORGE CARLIN | They Don't Care About You - YouTube AshwaniGarg on Twitter: "RT @JamesMelville: "They own everything Theyre all in favor of the unborn. 'George Carlin - Life Is Worth LosingRecorded 5 Nov 2005, Beacon Theater, New York City, New YorkReleased: January 10, 2006Audio-visual content monetised by copyright claimant, MPI Media You're down to seven. They own you. They dont give a fuck about you. ", 110. "Dont just teach your children to read. ", 39. ", 46. "Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. "Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. Everybody complains about politicians. Never join a group that has a name. The _omappvs cookie, used in conjunction with the _omappvp cookies, is used to determine if the visitor has visited the website before, or if it is a new visitor. "When you step on the brakes, your life is in your foots hands. Now, some people like to twist that around. If you vote, and you elect dishonest, incompetent politicians, and they get into office and screw everything up, you are responsible for what they have done. I mean, life is tough. This information is then used to select advertisements delivered by the platform and measure the performance of the advretisement and attribute their payments. I have major psychotic f**king hatreds. ", 53. So they killed a lot of white English people in order to continue owning their black African people, so they could wipe out the rest of the red Indian people, in order to move west and steal the rest of the land from the brown Mexican people, giving them a place to take off and drop their nuclear weapons on the yellow Japanese people. They dont fall out of the sky. Its called dick fear! Men are terrified that their pricks are inadequate and so they have to compete with one another, to feel better about themselves, and since war is the ultimate competition, basically, men are killing each other in order to improve their self-esteem! ", 124. Germany lost the Second World War. It helps in consumer profiling for online advertising. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place. "I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately. 28. r/antiwork. the politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences. ", 122. After harping on his skepticism of politicians, particularly Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden, 51-year-old Ice Cube doubled down on his distrust of the government on Tuesday by sharing a. Thats all it is. Our country is failing because the majority of the people are selfish. "I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me theyre cramming for their final exam. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. After that, they don't want to know about you. Used by Microsoft Advertising as a unique ID for visitors. Toothpicks? They don't pass through a membrane from another reality. Enjoy! They believe a womans primary role is to function as a broodmare for the state.. July 18, 1999 - George Carlin - 2002-02-01 - VOA The late comedian often times poked fun at religion, politics, and social justice. To avoid conflicts, each partner's ID is stored using separate cookies, which are merged to the ljtrtb cookie when it is available. ", 96. This cookie is set by Eloqua. Thell get it all from you sooner or later cause they own this fuckin place. 'He's two' will do just fine. And nobody seems to notice. Broadly speaking. ""Now, there's one thing you might have noticed I don't complain about: politicians. '", 78. ", George Carlin's acerbic wit and profound societal insights were a one time cultural phenomenon. Everybodys going to save something now. Carlins truth-telling about the influence of corporations in America and the willful blindness that allowed someone like Trump to assume power. George Carlin : And I'll guarantee you one thing: you start executing, you start nailing one white banker per week to a big wooden cross on national TV, you're gonna see that drug traffic begin to slow down pretty fucking quick. Cookie associated with embedding content from Snapchat. ", 8. Deal with it. George Carlin, Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. George Carlin, Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice? George Carlin, Were so self-important. - Gin Wigmore. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. If a dog can do it, you can watch. A cat's "meow" can be a "woof" for him. ""The owners of this country know the truth: It's called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. #AmericaWakeUp. With his daring satirical jokes, his words will make you laugh and make you think profoundly about everything you experience. This cookie supports the website's live support provider. Below are some famous quotes and jokes by the man, the myth, the legend, the comedian George Carlin. Its what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. "Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. On Sunday, the 29-year-old Angie revealed that not . Then youre just what theyre looking for. Thats the problem. "If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both f**ked. "'Bipartisan' usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. I took his shoes. ", 77. George Carlin's Wise Words On Politicians You don't. You have no choice! The domain of this cookie is owned byOracle Eloqua. ", 84. George Denis Patrick Carlin ( May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008) was an American stand-up comedian, actor, author, singer, voice artist, and comedian, noted especially for his irreverent attitude and his observations on politics, language, psychology, and religion, as well as some taboo subjects. They own everything. In the footage from his 1996 HBO special, Back In Town, Carlin tears into the pro-life movement: Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to 9 months. "War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class men off to die. And I didn't really care in the first place. Facebook sets this cookie to show relevant advertisements to users by tracking user behaviour across the web, on sites that have Facebook pixel or Facebook social plugin. This Cookie is used by Yahoo to anonymously store data related to user's visits, such as the number of visits, average time spent on the website and what pages have been loaded. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to get selfish, ignorant leaders. "If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. The __gads cookie, set by Google, is stored under DoubleClick domain and tracks the number of times users see an advert, measures the success of the campaign and calculates its revenue. Obedience, respect for authority. 27 Feb 2023 13:57:17 George Carlin "Forget the Politicians" and tells it like it is I think the life cycle is all backwards. ", 115. He was a regular on the "Ed Sullivan Show," but in the 1970s he became much better known for his irreverent . Then they would drink a lot of coffee.' G eorge Carlin was ahead of his time. ALEX COHEN, host: Carlin died yesterday of heart failure. Bing Ads sets this cookie to engage with a user that has previously visited the website. You have no choice. "I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to. '", 123. Let's start with critical race theory. They don't want to hear from you. ", 103. ""Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? I'm used to dogs. They say, 'If you don't vote, you have no right to complain,' but where's the logic in that? Casale Media sets this cookie to collect information on user behavior, for targeted advertising. Obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork. In no way does superstitious nonsense like this apply to the lives of intelligent, civilized human beings in the 21st Century. Yeah, the public sucks. This problem can be solved by pre-school children in 5-10 minutes. ", 90. This anonymous data helps us to better understand users' needs and customize the website accordingly. These cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads. Thats what all that adolescent, macho, male posturing and strutting in bars and locker rooms is all about. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. Simple thing. "Although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighteen, when I realized the state had a legal right to execute me. Ice Cube added the brief caption, "Facts.". ", 69. Everyone Practices Cancel Culture | Opinion, Deplatforming Free Speech is Dangerous | Opinion. The stand up comic was an artist who did more than articulate the public's subconscious; he embodied America's intellectual counter culture and provided sanctuary from the crisis of modernity. George Carlin Quotes On . They don't fall out of the sky. And apparently, I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions. 43. This cookie is used for implementing audio files on the website. "Life is not measured by the number of breath we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. I had an imaginary friend. George Carlin - Government doesn't care about you - YouTube Because you have the illusion of choice. Term limits ain't going to do any good; you're just going to end up with a brand new bunch of selfish, ignorant Americans. You have owners. Determines whether the visitor has accepted the cookie consent box. December 2, 2015, 3:27 PM. Issued by Microsoft's ASP.NET Application, this cookie stores session data during a user's website visit. January Nelson is a writer, editor, and dreamer. "I don't have pet peeves. And Bushis pushing this country farther down the hill, faster than anyone has before. This cookie is set by Segment to count the number of people who visit a certain site by tracking if they have visited before. But once youre born, youre on your own. ", 25. You and I are not in The Big Club. 'You give us a color, we'll wipe it out. "If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? And complaining about the politicians. Try spelling Evian backward. Carlin is funny as hell. They've long since bought and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the statehouses, the city halls. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. "If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? This cookie is used for embedding The Guardian video player. ", 51. Nobeody seems to care. You dont. "There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Used by Zoominfo to enhance customer data. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. As for the poor, they tell us theyve lost all incentive because weve given them too much money. This cookie is used for identifying the geographical location by country of the user. Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window), Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window). Hatred/ bias against opposition: Have you noticed that nearly every time, Mr. Trump is questioned, or feels accused, etc, he replies by bringing up his less - than - popular former political opponent, Hillary Clinton, and repeats claims which have been refuted and disputed, numerous times, but his core followers, continue to accept? You ever notice that? ", 125. Thats right. ", 108. You will be notified via email when a new post is published. Known for his funny and sarcastic quotes, we think you'll get a kick out of his words. And if somehow, you must join, if its unavoidable, such as a union or a trade association, go ahead and join. It enables the embedding of Mix Cloud audio player. ""Boy, these conservatives are really something, aren't they? ", 18. ", 20. This cookie is used by Akamai to optimize site security by distinguishing between humans and bots. Set aside 30 minutes to watch investigative journalist Whitney Webb speak with MintPress News in the video above. '""I have solved this political dilemma in a very direct way: I don't vote. "Forget the politicians. ", 43. - George Carlin. "Would a fly without wings be called a walk? After that, they don't wanna know about you. 02. The cookies contains information that allows Prebid servers to distinguish between browsers and mobile devices. "One can never know for sure what a deserted area can look like. 4. Jesse Kelly wanted to whip his followers into homophobic outrage, but it sure AF didnt work. "Don't give your money to the church. If you're born in America you get a front row seat. "I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. It's what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. George Carlin : Designed to scare and control primitive people. The cookie is used to store and identify a users' unique session ID for the purpose of managing user session on the website. You'd have people tuning in don't even care about football! -26 1amathrowaway 1 yr. ago This cookie is used to detect and defend when a client attempt to replay a cookie.This cookie manages the interaction with online bots and takes the appropriate actions. ", 101. But this week, his voice has brought to life a new anti-Trump video called America Wake Up, created by a. George Carlin was a comedian and social critic. Carlin did this better than anyone else. Term limits aint going to do any good; youre just going to end up with a brand new bunch of selfish, ignorant Americans. "So, have a little fun. He is famous for being named the 'The Dean of Counterculture Comedians.' His dark humor penetrates different issues of life, religion, language, and class. Used to help protect the website against Cross-Site Request Forgery attacks. George Carlin: 'Rights Aren't Rights If Someone Can Take Them Away' Carlin passed away in 2008 before he could see the prescience of his comedic wit and intelligence with the rise of Republican Donald Trump's candidacy this year. Forget the politicians. This cookie is installed by Google Universal Analytics to restrain request rate and thus limit the collection of data on high traffic sites. And I would say, 'I'm not playin', Ma. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Some of the data that are collected include the number of visitors, their source, and the pages they visit anonymously. Well, we know what they want: They want more for themselves and less for everybody else.". You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. Thats what all that asshole jock bullshit is all about. Thats what the owners count on, Carlin intones. "My advice: just keep moving straight ahead. What if I want to have a crappy day? ", 121. "The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions. This ensures that the cookie consent box will not be presented again upon re-entry. As they lay there, completely vulnerable to their enemies, their only movements were to occasionally shift from one position to another; or, if one of the 'mind adventures' got too real, they would sit up and scream and be glad they weren't unconscious anymore. He famously said he didn't vote, so he couldn't be to blame for whatever shit show we got ourselves into. "I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' -George Carlin There you are. ""Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? No neonatal care, no day care, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. The GUC cookie is set by Yahoo for Yahoo conversion tracking. They own all the important land. At all. He talked about things that could be considered controversial, like politics and politicians, religion, drugs, and the demise of humanity. George Carlin Shitting on GovernmentBuy Me a Pizzahttps://www.buymeacoffee.com/LaughPlGEORGE CARLINhttps://www.youtube.com/user/OfficialGeorgeCarlin/feedGeorge's websitehttps://georgecarlin.com/Social Media:\rInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/thelaughplanetofficial/\rYoutube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiI_jyH_0yttWG-m5fBYGmA\rTwitter: https://twitter.com/laugh_planet\rWebsite: http://thelaughplanet.comContact us: ash98jha@gmai.com #GeorgeCarlin #Government #America #Comedy #LaughPlanet And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. You caused the problem. There is actually a semi-important figure in American history who is named for a blow-job movie. By programmers in one hour. I think I was probably a cowboy in a past life. the fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big, red, white, and blue dick thats being jammed up their assholes every day., This video is completely devastating for Trump. It seems only right. "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. The Monday night crucifixions! Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was. George Carlin, How is it possible to have a civil war? George Carlin, Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Next, honor thy father and mother. This cookie is used for preventing the installation of third party advertiser or other cookies on the browser. The truth is that George Carlin would be branded a left-wing nut job who has pie-in-the-sky ideas and wants people to collect money for doing nothing. Being woke, leading the charge in cancel culture, fighting censorship, and supporting those who are vulnerable and don't have a voice. ", 87. ", 111. George Carlin. Laugh until you gasp for breath. George Carlin, Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school. George Carlin, The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. George Carlin, People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point. George Carlin, Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things. George Carlin, Dont just teach your children to readTeach them to question what they read. Craziest Republican Quotes of the 21st Century, The Funniest Political Quotes of All Time, Funny Arnold Schwarzenegger Quotes as Actor and Politician, Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. This cookie is used by PwC to track individual visitors and their use of site. You have owners. "There's no present. The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. They don't want to hear from you. "It's important in life if you don't give a s**t. It can help you a lot. If youre offended by foul language dont watch this f**king video. Whats that, a bonus? 2005 George Carlin bit narrates ad on 2020 American reality - Fast Company ""This country was founded by a group of slave owners who wanted to be. If they say, Were the So-and-Sos, take a walk. Now I feel better. George Carlin Nailed Conservative Hypocrisy On Abortion More - HuffPost You know what the motto for this country ought to be? "What if there were no hypothetical questions? September 12, 2019. ", 22. ", 92. Answer (1 of 12): He was a liberal. This information is used to pick out ads delivered by the platform and assess the ad performance and its attribute payment. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. 15 years 6 months 5 days 3 hours 12 minutes, 15 years 6 months 5 days 3 hours 5 minutes, 15 years 6 months 5 days 1 hour 16 minutes. It even sparked a legal case with the U.S. Supreme Court! And generally speaking, people onthe right of center, are interested in property values, property, property rights. Thats what the owners count on. ", 64. This cookie expires after 30 minutes but the timer is reset if the visitor visits a new page on the site before the cookie expires. I just dont have as many people who believe it. George Carlin, Now, theres one thing you might have noticed I dont complain about: politicians. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. He was regarded as one of the most important and influential stand-up comics of all time. George Carlin. "Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? He missed this one. ", 10. ", 48. Take George Carlin, for example. '", 70. We're all fucked," Carlin once said. This cookie, set by YouTube, registers a unique ID to store data on what videos from YouTube the user has seen. "Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist. You have owners. Nitwits, assholes, fuckups, scumbags, jerkoffs, and dipshits. And just dumb enough to passively accept all these increasingly shittier jobs with the lower pay, the longer hours, the reduced benefits, the end of overtime and vanishing pension that disappears the minute you go to collect it, and not theyre coming for your Social Security money. I like people who buck the system. You don't say that about cats. He said: Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. She writes about astrology, games, love, relationships, and entertainment. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. This gif says it all: Carlins performance is being passed around on social media after a leaked draft opinion from the Supreme Court indicates that Roe v. Wade may soon be overturned, paving the way for abortion to be outlawed in parts of the nation. "I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. This cookie can only be read from the domain they are set on and will not track any data while browsing through other sites. "Isnt making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. "Now, there's one thing you might have noticed I don't complain about: politicians. "Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. Teach them to question what they read. They own you. "I don't know if we could count on any parties to get us out this s**t, to be honest. ", 5. I'm your huckleberry. These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. RT @JamesMelville: "They own everythingThey don't care about youThey got you by the balls." ~ George Carlin He absolutely nailed it. ", 75. George Carlin: Complaints & Grievances (2001) - IMDb

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